Got Wedding Etiquette?

Dear Polite One, I recently married in the Bahamas with only 3 witnesses and no family. We want to host a simple ceremony and celebration once we arrive in the states. We plan to include a flower girl and ring bearer and my parents walking me down the aisle.     I understand that I shouldn't register or expect bridal showers, but many ask me where I'm registered and when I am having a shower. What should I do? For the reception, I want to have refreshments, dancing but no alcohol.   Is this proper manners ? Wants to share our joy Dear Wants to Share Our Joy, It isn't appropriate to host a second wedding or vow renewal.   It’s too soon after your first.   So, it is most appropriate to host a reception.   If you do host a vow renewal, there are no wedding elements, like attendants, including child attendants, and no one walks down the aisle with you.   You don't need an escort.   It is best if you and your husband walked in from the ...

  Dear Polite One, We are both in our sixties , have both been married before, and recently became engaged. We would like to place an announcement in the paper, but we are not sure who does this.  Would it be my parents or us?  We plan to be married in my hometown close to our families even though we don't live there Ready to Announce Dear Ready to Announce, Those previously married and older couples usually place their announcements. You may list your parents though. More than likely, all the information you need for placing your announcement, including forms, is on the newspaper’s website.  There may not be the need to contact anyone.  So, search online first.  Please note, not all newspapers print wedding announcements these days, so don’t be surprised if this is the case.  If that is not the case, contact the Lifestyle section of the newspaper to find the correct spelling of the editor’s name and mail everything to her/him. Ask ...

  Dear Polite One, Are gifts expected when a couple divorces and then remarries?  Confused Dear Confused, Those who gave a gift the first time around are not obligated to give a gift this time. Plus, only those attending the are obligated to give one. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Paying admission to attend a wedding? To whom to give gifts? Dissed my gift; wanted cash!  

Dear Polite One, We are an older couple, both previously married.  My fiancé doesn't feel that people our age should have a big formal reception and wants to go on a cruise after a simple ceremony/cocktail party.  I feel that since most of our guests will be traveling, they deserve a meal.  What is most proper? Thanks, Polite One!! Hosting Dear Hosting, Encore weddings are common, and you can have it your way.   But you are correct that if your guests are traveling to be with you for your wedding, it is best of offer them a full meal.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Must we have all the dances? Buffet vs Plated Dinner? The End of Wedding Gifts?

Dear Polite One, I would like to host an engagement party for my brother and his future wife.  This is a second wedding for both.  Is this good manners ? Wants to do the right thing. Dear Wants to Do the Right Thing, Even for the tenth wedding, it would be fine. Just create an atmosphere of joy and ensure guests realize this isn't a gift-giving event. And please, only invite those who are also invited to the wedding. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One May we combine the bachelorette and bridal shower? Invite non-wedding guests to a Summer Supper? Excluded from the Engagement Party

Dear Polite One, While not a first for either of my friends, they are getting married after living together for a decade. Since she is an avid cook , I considered new knives but am not sure if this is considered a proper wedding gift. Best Friend Dear Best Friend, You are a very generous friend . It is a great gift. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Second Wedding Etiquette 101: Encore Wedding Planning Do I give a gift or what? Encore Wedding Planning and Gift Q & A

  Dear Polite One, We are both in our forties and I've been married before, but he hasn't.   I have a pre-teen daughter and he has no children.   What type of ceremony is appropriate for our situation? Since I had all the trimmings the first time, should we this time?   He really would like a traditional all-out wedding/reception. Interested in Propriety Dear Interested in Propriety, Go for it!  This is a new beginning for both of you as a couple.   Celebrate and enjoy it.   There are few restrictions for encore/second-time brides these days.   Elements to be avoided would be a blusher veil and your father escorting you down the aisle; your daughter would be a great choice.  Throwing your garter and bouquet is probably not a great idea as well.  You and your husband would be at the head of your reception line because you would be hosting, not your parents.   Other than that, the sky is the limit....

  Second Wedding Etiquette  Flowers are blooming; the days are warming, so it must be wedding season!   Most likely if invited to a wedding, it's an encore wedding.     Most are these days.    As an etiquette consultant, many of the questions I receive are from encore wedding guests. Questions concerning appropriate attire are the most often asked, but there are many more.    Questions?   I have you covered! As a guest to the bride's third wedding, what should I wear? As is true in all cases, guests should dress for the formality of the event.   Typically, we can discern the level of formality by the invitation, venue, and time of day.   Couples first convey formality through their invitations.   If, for example, the wedding is formal, the invitation is printed on heavy card stock using formal language.   The venue listed would seem more formal as well, such as a Catholic Church or upper-scale hotel.   N...

  Should we have a big or small wedding? Dear Polite One,  We are both in our forties and I've been married before, but he hasn't.  I have a pre-teen daughter and he has no children.  What type of ceremony is appropriate for our situation? Since I had all the trimmings the first time, should we this time?  He really would like a traditional all-out wedding/reception. Interested in Propriety   Dear Interested in Propriety,  Go for it!  This is a new beginning for both of you as a couple.  Celebrate and enjoy it.  There are few restrictions for encore/second-time brides these days.   Elements to be avoided would be a blusher veil and your father escorting you down the aisle.  However, your daughter would be a great choice of escort.   Tossing your garter and bouquet is probably not a great idea as well.  And because you would be hosting , not your parents, you...

Advice for Those Who Have Walked the Aisle Before  Ready to say, "I do" again?   Learn the answers to the most often asked encore wedding planning questions from an internationally recognized etiquette consultant.   Out with the old and in with the new seems to apply to marriages these days, as most weddings are encore events for one or both members of the bridal couple.   Thus, many of the old rules that once applied to second weddings have been tossed aside like old and faded bridal bouquets.   Nevertheless, there are considerations since marriages bring more than just two people together.   Also created and blended is family, especially in the case of children.   For these considerations and more, please read what this etiquette consultant has to say.    What's the first wedding planning step for encore couples? If children are in the mix, it's best to notify exes.   Also, notify any family members from your ex's side that ...

Requests for expert input are common for etiquette professionals.   What follows is an interview that, unfortunately, never resulted in publication.   The journalist asked interesting questions.   I was pleased to use some of what I learned in my many Psychology classes.   Please read on. Q: What are some of the psychological, social, and practical issues of remarriage, including the best approach in telling your former spouse's family and your own of your plans. A: In the past, many felt that a failed marriage was a negative and a personal failure—somewhat akin to a character flaw.  This was especially true when it came to an encore wedding.   Today, there’s no stigma.  Most do not judge a person who is remarrying.   But there are considerations to the encore wedding that we don’t typically have for the first wedding.  If there are children from a former marriage, they should be informed privately before any others.  If close...

Q:  Are there special issues for widows who remarry, such as continuing to use your late husband's name if that's what you are known by professionally, or changing your name on deeds, bank accounts, etc. A:  Most importantly, the widowed who are remarrying should attempt to assuage angst some may be feeling about the upcoming nuptials.  She could use her previous husband’s name, but out of respect for her new husband, it is usually most polite for her to move on completely.  He will be living in the shadow of her former husband in so many respects anyway and the name would be a constant reminder.  This isn’t to say that women must change their names once they marry.  Of course, she could use her maiden name.    Advice about changing her name on documents is not within my skill set.  Q:  What are appropriate gifts and activities for a second marriage, such as an engagement party or bridal shower. A:  Many encore couples are fo...